If it wasn't for
by KeppiexD
Summary: After Katniss and Peeta were announced victors of the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss never had to pretend to love Peeta, because she did. But Snow still didn't believe her. When Peeta and Katniss are drawn to enter the 75th Quarter Quil games, Peeta wasn't telling a lie when he said they were expecting a baby.
1. Chapter 1

Description: After Katniss and Peeta were announced victors of the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss never had to pretend to love Peeta, because she did. But Snow still didn't believe her. When Peeta and Katniss are drawn to enter the 75th Quarter Quil games, Peeta wasn't telling a lie when he said they were expecting a baby.

I hold no rights over story and characters.

Chapter 1:

Katniss POV

We've come so far in the last few months, Peeta and I have been through the rockiest road of our lives and to say it's been hard is putting it simply. The only thing that centres us both is each other, for we are only one that understands what the other is going through. When we hid in the cave, we realised we only had each other, and that was all. Panem could not be trusted, not even Haymitch, our mentor, the one person assigned to keep us alive.

Our lives were changed forever and only other victors understood that, the public only saw what they wanted to see and that was our love, a true love that triumphed over life and death. And although they weren't far off, they missed one component, and that was the real love we shared in private. Every day that Peeta is by my side is another fraction of healing the scars in my mind, he made me stronger and stronger, and I love him for that. In private we don't even have to speak, as we already know what needs to be said. Our nights are my favourite, Peeta cuddles me so tightly, kisses my neck and whispers useless nothings in my ear.

We have finally finished our tour of Panem and are on our way back to district 12, our home. A knock on my cabin door sounded, I knew it was Peeta.

"Come in" I responded. Peeta emerged in his pyjamas I automatically recognised from his own wardrobe; in each of our cabins we were supplied with many pairs of beautiful satin white pyjamas. It was like he said before the games, he doesn't want the capital to think they changed him, and well, they never did.

"I just wanna say, today wasn't your fault. That man made his decisions, there was nothing we could have done, and we never have to do this again." Peeta came forth. I know Peeta was right, but there was nothing I do that took away the feeling of guilt.

Peeta spoke of the events of today in which during our visit to district 11, home of Rue, a mature age man rebelled against the guards. A crime punishable by death, which was exactly what they did, a public execution in the town square to scare the onlookers. I have seen enough of death. I've seen more than mine and handful of others share of death and murder a front of my very eyes. We were swiftly removed from the scene and pushed onto the platform of the train awaiting us. Peeta and I could only hear the screams of the now unfolding riot fuelled by a mockingjay symbol.

I knew Peeta was right, but I still felt responsible, I always will, I wouldn't dare to know how many lives have been lost in the name of Katniss Everdeen and what my pin stands for, for I fear that may just pushed me over the edge.

Peeta came over to the bed and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me in to his body. He rested his head on my neck and kissed.

He whispered; "I love you Katniss, we can't change what happened, all we can is go home and live our days out together."

He was wrong, we started a rebellion, as if we could get out of trouble just like that, Snow wouldn't give up so easily.

"Peeta, I wish it was that easy, we can't just walk away from this, this is what I created. Snow won't stop till ever last drop of hope is squeezed out of the districts. We've lost before even we've even started."I replied.

"Katniss, stop thinking like that, we owe Snow and the capitol nothing, we played their cruel game, they are strong enough to take control back at any given moment, they choose not to just yet just to scare us even more, and they are dragging out the full lock down so they set a higher example. Once we get home, we will show them how much we love each other, just like Snow wants, then we go back to living our lives, please Katniss, look at me"

He rolled me over on my side so my eyes looking straight into his. His eyes did not yield, they were confident and bold.

"Everything will okay, you have me, and I will never let anything happen to you or Prim and your mum." He said without once breaking his eye contact.

I almost believed him, but I knew better. Peeta chooses to think that way, because it's the only way he can continue on with his life post Hunger games, thinking everything will be okay; he created a false reality to deal with the cruel truth.

Peeta leaned in slightly taking a ball of my hair in his fists; his eyes overlooked my face, adoring me. He leaned in further for the kiss. His lips met mine, softly and ever so gently. I knew he loved him in moments like this.

He pulled away after the time of a peak. I needed more, I needed him. He sparked something in me that I've never felt. My heart started to race and my hands took over. I reached back for him, aching for his closeness. I leaned in for another kiss, growing more and more with passion, I needed him. He was everything. His mouth tasted like strawberries in spring time, it made me hungry.

I pushed him over me, I could feel his need for me too, it matched my need for him, and we needed each other right now, right here. We've never done this before, but yet with each other it came so naturally. His arm reached out for my leg, grapping it in urgency, pinning it up and draping it over his torso.

Our kisses continue to grow more passionately, putting all our heat and love into every movement, the woman inside me was growling at me, begging me for more and more Peeta. To be closer and closer; I slipped my hand around his neck and went in to kiss his inner neck, he moaned viciously into my ear.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

A/N Sorry for taking so long, I procrastinate quite a lot… Please Review.

Losing my virginity was defiantly not how I imagined it when I was a young teenager, it was even better. Everything felt right, and it flowed perfectly in motivation between us, just like waves, he moved I moved. Peeta went the extra mile to make it memorable for me, but I suppose that could also be due to the fact that he has waited for that night for what seems like a very long time.

Peeta is my security blanket, he makes everything better, he understands, and I could not have wished for someone better to share my bed with for the first time. It didn't last very long; it was his first time too. I would be lying through my teeth if I said it didn't hurt at all, because of course it did, more then what your mothers try explain to you during 'the talk'. The pain still lingered in my step to the breakfast cart the next morning. It made Peeta snicker in pride.

Since that night four weeks ago Peeta doesn't hold back his open displays of affection amongst the presence of Effie and Haymitch, you could say I broke down that secure barrier and he wanted everyone to know what he felt for me. It made me feel brighter about the future.

We are soon to arrive in our home district, district 12, within the next two hours; I cannot wait to see Prim and Mum waiting patiently at the platform for me. It will be like another shift of weight removed off my chest, to see them safe and healthy; for during the time of the games I sincerely feared that I may never see them again. However Effie Trinkett announced over the splendidly decorated and tastefully stocked breakfast 'mahogany' table that within of two weeks of settling into our new victor's village homes we were once again to return to the capital for yet another Caesar Flickerman interview. _Sigh_, I wished nothing more than to close my eyes and it all to be over.

I found the smell of breakfast revolting, nothing appealed to me in anyway despite it being the same breakfast menu prepared every morning. The same menu I had always enjoyed. The smell of the steaming omelette made me turn my head away in disgust, forcing my stomach to churn. I just passed it off as an unusual morning where I wasn't one hundred percent. So I settled with a plain piece of white toast, afraid even the spread of butter may make me feel the same churn in my stomach.

After breakfast I found my way back to my room quietly sneaking past Haymitch who slummed deeply in an arm chair, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. This was normal for him; his release from the ruined life caused by the hunger games was intoxication.

Despite his deep sleep the rattle of the train travelling through the tunnel awoke him. He woke in a fit of rage, waving his arms viciously above his head, searching for any form of weapon. Haymitch appeared as though he believed to being attacked. I have them too, those constant dreams (or should I say memories) of people with their weapon at the ready, coming straight for you.

'Haymitch, shhh, it's nothing, just a tunnel, we'll be home now." I said with a calming voice, as I know that the only thing to bring you back was a soft voice who reassured you that your games were over, your arena is gone.

"Hmm, Katniss you never get off this train. There is no happy safe life waiting back home at district 12. We may have won but there is no escaping the games each and every year. You're a mentor now, so that means every year they will drag you out and relive it, and watch your tributes be slaughtered for entertainment, every.. year!" Haymitch replied through heavy breaths and a groggy throat.

The train blacked out as we entered the tunnel, I couldn't look Haymitch in the eyes, as he spoke the truth, I centred my stare to the cement tunnel through the windows. There was no hope left for my life, the capitol would always be in control. Just when the victors thought that they had won their freedom and would be showered in riches, they were fooled, they were all fooled. The victors never won at anything, the capitol still controlled them and continued to conflict pain repeatedly over them. It was all for nothing, once it was all done and over we envied the ones we killed for they were truly free. And Haymitch knew that all too well.

I watched as each tunnel light beamed through as we sped at high speed, within seconds the mockingjay symbol broadcasted boldly over and over through the carts window. It was painted over and over on the tunnel walls in red paint. I froze completely, my mouth gasping.

"Look Katniss, that symbol is you! And they will never give up, you have given them all hope, wither you meant to or not! And you may have convinced most of the capitol but Snow is still to believe that you really defied them by truly loving that boy! That should be your number one priority right now, or he will only make your life even more torturous then what it already is and most importantly many more innocent lives will continue to be publicly executed. When you convince him, the other districts will believe it too. You have to be one of them! I mean do you even love him even just a little bit? "Haymitch exploded.

"Of course I do! I _do_ love him, more than I thought I ever could love someone. But the way I love in front of other people is different then the way I love in private. I've never been able to express my true feelings, I've always had to be strong for Prim, she couldn't see how much I was keeping inside, after a while it just became normal. I just don't know how to release the cap off the bottle. I don't what else I can do to convince him."

"Well do something about it, the entire country is watching you! They need to see the lengths you will go to be with him. Like I said, this train never ends, and neither does the capitol" –Haymitch.

I didn't what else to do, Haymitch was right about everything. I hated that.

"I am the mockingjay! And I will not be beaten!"I yelled, storming off.

I badly needed a shower; I've found that the warm water helped me wake up from the restless nights. Button by button I began to remove my pyjamas, suddenly a pair of warm hands gracefully swarmed around my waist. I recognised the touch like it was my sixth sense. _Peeta_. He appeared out of nowhere, he must have followed me to my room. His body came one step closer, moulding his chest perfectly into my back; Peeta nuzzled his face into my neck and inhaled.

"Katniss.."He hissed through his teeth. He sounded drunk from the closeness and the smell of my peach shampoo wafting throughout my hair.

His forearms were burning warm against my bare torso, I ached to let my head fall back to fall on his shoulder and stroke his arms. It was moments like these that made me forget what's really happening on the outside and allows me to feel like an average girl falling in love. I'd give anything to be that girl; I didn't need to ask to know that Peeta feels the same, to be the same old baker's boy falling in love with the strong willed miner's daughter who had a good arm. But this is a cruel world; you learn that quickly in life.

Perhaps it was Peeta all this time that has kept me sane all this time. If it wasn't for tender moments like these that make me feel like the poor girl from 12 I once was instead the leader of a country rebellion and the cause of so much death I would have had the same fate of Annie Cresta. The thought of Annie Cresta brings me back to what Haymitch had said; "_he will only make your life even more of torturous then what it already is". _

I released Peeta's grasp from around my waist and spun myself around in order to be facing face to face with him. I looked up into his deep blue eyes; they were concentrated strongly on mine.

"Peeta, we need to do more. The districts still are convinced that what we did in the games was not out of love, but out of defiance and rebellion. Most of all that's what Snow believes. We never get off this train Peeta, we are forced to stay with other for the rest of our lives to prove that, but in saying that we need to broadcast it more publicity, we need to rub it in their faces."

"What more can we do?" Peeta said, his eyebrows crooked with confusion.

"We could get married" I was afraid to say these words; I never pictured that sort of life for myself, especially not now.

"Yeah fine sure."Peeta replied bluntly. His eyes dropped to floor and I saw his hand ball up in fists. In a moment his mood ultimately changed, and he stormed out my bathroom and then out of my bedroom.

I didn't need Peeta to say it, I _knew_ this is not how Peeta wanted things, he wanted to get married because he wanted to. Secondly no doubt he wanted to do it the traditional way. Not just because it's all for show and for for everyone else.

The stress of it all made my stomach churn once again, yet this time twice more dramatic. In a period of five seconds I keeled over ninety degrees and my single slice of toast from this morning came spewing from my mouth. I was grateful the toilet was only a step away.

A/N Sorry not a lot happen in this chapter, I'm just trying to set up a plot (ground work) as well as the unexpected pregnancy due to appear. I didn't want to rush into it, I wanted it to develop into something more. You know have more events occurring around Katniss then just her just falling pregnant. Next chapter will elaborate on that. Sorry it's a bit short, it's all I have time for tonight.

Please review. Would love to know what you'd like to see.


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